Just fell off a train. Bad.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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