That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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