Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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