Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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