Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
