I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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