i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
