Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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