i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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