k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You are the jesus of drinking
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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