i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
