im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
