He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Holy sore nipples Batman
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
