my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
