you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
