If that was your dad, he is hot
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
