I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
