I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Randomize
