..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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