she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize