Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize