If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
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He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
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I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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