it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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