they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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