My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
