Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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