i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
