He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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