On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
