Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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