You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
