he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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