Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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