I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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