I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Randomize
