white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
