Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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