why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
