Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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