8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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