I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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