she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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