I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
