My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
