can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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