Just took my morning after pill in the library
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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