so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
