I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
