When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
