Your face is a jimmy john
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
