I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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