You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
