I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
