Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
