This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
