i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
