I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
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She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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