Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
