dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
