Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
