Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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