i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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