I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
