I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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