If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
