I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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