oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
