You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
