I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
