I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
